Week 3: Women's March
I wouldn't have gone if it were not for this project.
And I tried not to go, but on Thursday, two days before the march, I had the sense I needed to go, and someone also randomly gave me a 'Think Pink' shirt (from the hospital I was born in, no less). A very, very dear friend, who I don't see often but who is like a sister to me, went with me, also for the first time.
There is a lot of charge and activation surrounding the Women's March, especially given the political climate, and I know that there is a lot of valid debate surrounding the march regarding the inclusion of minority groups. Acknowledging this, in writing this post I am writing it from the perspective of my own personal growth. That said...
DAMN. The fire!
The energetic field was so alive, in a creative and full way. It was really important for me to go to this, and here's why.
I hope I don't lose you here: due to early experiences, I can tend towards a freeze response in all aspects of life - decisions, projects, relationships. The place where desire meets action is a often a freeze spot. And, the freeze state is actually amazing, in that our system contains energy that we don't know how to process. Except now, I have an intention to learn how to process what I didn't know how.
One of my intentions in creating this project is to bring compassion and life to that space where I feel immobilized to movement that would allow me to express myself from the heart. I don't have a problem with action per se, I can run through mechanized movement easily, but when it correlates to my innermost desires, to being seen, to expressing myself...that's where, in the past, I have frozen.
Related to the freeze is a tendency towards being removed, or aloof, from the world. Not in the sense that I don't know what's happening, but in that I seem to watch my life than participate in it. I have sensed myself holding back for most of my life, since I was a child, afraid of my power. Part of this is being inclined to meditation and spirituality, but I also think there is another element: one of not wanting to be in this world, of protecting myself from it, and of opting out.
That's probably why I didn't want to go to the march. And probably why I needed to. Fire unfreezes.
I know part of my purpose is to bring my energy, to stir it up, in this world. The march is about mobilization, about bringing movement to intention, about acting in the world. And the women (and men, I guess) that showed up are powerful. POWERFUL. The coalescing of all our energy together - in a kind, creative, loving, intense, no-nonsense, way - was all the more so.
And the intensity of power is what I needed to tap into. Because at fleeting moments throughout my life, I've seen my own inner power in its full, full glory. For nano-seconds each time, before my mind and all its hindrances come online become completely freak out. This is soulpower - not the headstrong 'power' that reinforces a sense of the false ego - that is in each of us and waiting to come through as soon as we move out of our own way.
Its love and its strength feel too much for me to handle when I encounter them, but its what my life is for: to meet that place in me and then share it with the world.
Especially recently, and at unexpected moments, this extraordinary potential that is actually who I am has made itself known, and I realize I am so afraid of it - more than anything else - and actually choose to run away. Even though I am not as conscious of that choice in my day-to-day life, living from a mediocre place is indicative of being out of touch with that sauce-center. I don't have words to describe what sensing that place is like, because it's not of this world, but every life force has it, so I hope that you understand what I speak of.
The famous paragraph Marianne Williamson wrote in A Return to Love comes to mind. I often used to think these words cliché, but they resound so sweetly true:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do." She goes on, and finishes with, "As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.""
And from Lisa Marie Rosati: "When a woman connects with her magic, miracles happen…She creates the life of her dreams and she lives her divinely contracted purpose."
Even though I didn't have one of those experiences of encountering myself in my raw power - those partial-seconds are always unexpected - the march poked at that sacred place, and stirred some embers.
Here are some pictures reflective of the march, I've tried to capture all kinds of signs. And if you didn't know, the Women's March is pretty left, and anti-Trump posters are more a sampling of what you would find there than my pushing an agenda (but please, although I don't identify as D or R, let it be known: I am NOT a fan of our president).
I tried to choose one favorite, but those two kiddos...and the rose fist...and the resistance symbol (my sign was also from Star Wars)...and the RBF...
Do you have a favorite? Or another sign from another march to share, or yours? I would love to see them.