the invention of the handle
“We give thanks to the invention of the handle. Without it there would be many things we couldn’t hold on to. As for the things we can’t hold on to anyway, let us gracefully accept their ungraspable nature and celebrate all things elusive, fleeting, and intangible. They mystify us and make us receptive to truth and beauty. We celebrate and give thanks."
Lately, life’s tide has felt jarring, forceful, anything but graceful. I know that hard things happen as a part of living in this world, but sometimes they happen because we barrel towards them, ignoring warning signs along the way, & this has been the case pour moi. In the past few weeks especially, my inner compass has became eclipsed in certain areas of my life, because the outer noise of my mind & other people’s expectations became priority.
I’m bueno at following a course of action if it feels right, but saying no when something feels wrong is a lesson I’m in the middle of. I wish to become more receptive to the voices within that throw red flags, even when others tell me otherwise, & not reduce those inclinations to weak tappings that struggle to find a way through.
This weekend was especially harsh. I lost my wallet. Then I went to help & watch & definitely not participate at a horse show. But last minute, my trainer needed a rider for a (v nutty) horse who kept having an emotional breakdown when separated from her friend. So against my gut feeling/disliking participating in shows/not feeling comfortable with the horse, I did it. It was such a disaster. & on so many more levels than the horse being wild. Then my car was hit on the way home (I’m good) & is not functional.
The truth is that although I could point fingers externally (the wallet’s entirely on me lol) for most of these things, all of this originates from my mind’s own disregard for what I know to be right for myself. I can empathize with why I’ve made the choices I’ve made, and yet it doesn’t discount me being behind all of them. Praise be: when we are able to say no to what’s not right for us, we may know that when we do say yes to something, it is with full intention & ownership of choice.
That said, it’s still unfortunate when we need a collision, literal or not, to bring the mind to its knees. To make decisions we’ve been avoiding, as my time at the horse show yesterday pushed me to do. It seems like a lifetime’s work to practice leading the mind to be, without difficult prompt, a servant to my inner guidance…instead of racing & rushing & catering & independently trying to determine in what direction life should go.
Because the most beneficial decisions we make for ourselves are rarely (solely) intellectual, & they never come from anyone else’s conviction.
In the midst of the hard lessons I sometimes need, it’s not easy to accept that what is good for my growth will always, always happen: it is only a matter of seeing it in that light. In every setback is a setup, & the ultimate freedom we have as humans is the choice of how to respond. Thank god being upset doesn’t negate the space to learn this.
As much as gratitude is a thrown-around buzzword these days, it is never overrated, & thank god we may still feel it while upset might linger. This weekend my mom was in town & saved my ass, the sunset over LA last night was stellar, I got a permit to hike the Wave in Sept. For the damage done to my car, I should be in the hospital instead of perfectly fine (10/10 recommend a Hyundai Genesis, the thing’s damn safe). I can walk, I can run, I can skip, I can dance. I have a book called “Ducks for Dark Times.” (also 10/10 rec). & that ain’t the half.
"Nothing can be loved at speed. Lead us to the slow path; to the joyous insights of the pilgrim."